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How Parents’ Words Hurt Their Children in Divorce

3/31/2012

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“Well, I think that’s very mean of your dad.”

“Mommy doesn’t love me anymore and is moving out.”

“I’m going now because your mother is kicking me out.”

This is just a sample of some of the things I’ve heard (or heard of) divorced parents say to their children in the last month. Unfortunately I’m not allowed to walk up and slap these people – because I really want to. Each one was said in a fairly calm manner, yet there seems to be no sense of just how harmful these words are.

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Five Child Support Mistakes in Knoxville Divorces

9/30/2011

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There are a lot of misconceptions out there regarding child support. Some of the wrong statements (or thoughts) I get from Knoxville parents include: 

1. If we have a 50/50 parenting plan there won’t be any child support. (false!)
2. My ex doesn’t want my money so we don’t need a child support order. (false!)
3. If the parenting plan says I have ___ number of days with my kids, child support will be set and it won’t matter how often I actually see them.
4. My ex hasn’t paid the child support so he/she isn’t allowed to see the kids.
5. My take home pay is only $_____ dollars; I can’t afford child support.

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How To Hire a Divorce Attorney in Knoxville

8/3/2011

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Hiring a good divorce attorney is probably the most important step you will take in your divorce. By good, I mean an attorney who is knowledgeable about current local rules, appears often in front of Knoxville judges, will suggest mediation early in the process, and is committed to helping you file an agreed divorce.  

To help you find a good attorney here are 6 questions to ask:

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Three Things You Must Know About Do-It-Yourself Divorce In Knoxville

4/6/2011

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“I don’t want to pay a lawyer a bunch of money just to fill in a form”. 

I’ve heard this sentiment in one way or another from a number of mediation clients. Typically this is a couple who has already made many decisions regarding their assets, debts, and parenting schedule and is questioning the value they get from consulting an attorney who will charge a minimum of $200 per hour and a $2000 retainer to even look at the couple’s case. These individuals are intelligent, capable people who might deal with complex financial documents or contracts in their work; surely they can navigate the paperwork for a simple divorce, right?

Wrong.

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Parenting Classes: A hurdle for you - hope for your child

2/2/2011

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As you know by now, the State of Tennessee requires all divorcing couples with minor children to attend a parenting class. While the state only requires a four hour course, local rules for the Fourth Circuit court in Knoxville increase the requirement to 12 hours. (Chancery Court in Knoxville only requires the four hour class.) I have three things to say about these classes: 1) this is about your kids not you, so no complaining, 2) twelve is better than four, 3) take your class ASAP.


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Your Knoxville House & Divorce

1/19/2011

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When divorcing in Knoxville (or anywhere!), here are the options regarding a house that is mortgaged in both your names: 1) Sell it, 2) Refinance the mortgage under one name.  

One choice you do not have is to quit claim deed the property to one of you. Doing so simply removes one person’s control over a property while they continue to be liable for the debt (because their name is still on the mortgage.)

So let’s review these two options.

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Divorce Prep to Save You Time & Money: Why The Advice You Find Online is Wrong

11/4/2010

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“I’m worried an attorney might see my assets and want to get their hands on them.”

 It’s not surprising that professionals who charge $200 - $750 an hour induce a state of wariness in their potential clients. Add to that the idea that every phone call or e-mail starts the meter ticking, the retainer dwindling, and you can understand why divorcing couples might balk at the thought of even hiring an attorney at all.

 First note – attorneys are indispensable in a divorce proceeding. Even if you and your spouse agree on how to separate your assets, debts, and co-parenting you need to be sure your divorce agreement accomplishes those goals. As Knoxville attorney Natalie LeVasseur explains, “You and your spouse are moving from point A to B, and it’s great that you both agree on what point B should look like, but now you need an experienced attorney to make sure your divorce agreement gets you to point B.”

 The legal system is not user friendly and you will need a good attorney to help you navigate the system – BUT there are certainly steps you can take to reduce the amount of time your attorney needs to spend on your case.


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When Mediation Increases Conflict

10/27/2010

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The whole point of mediation is to reduce conflict between parties and hopefully impart skills they can use to handle future conflict. This is especially important in a divorce situation, and critical when the divorce involves children. Unfortunately, in Knoxville divorce mediations, there is a style many attorneys prefer that can actually increase conflict between parties. 

One victim of this process, called shuttle mediation, described her experience as such: 
           

“My husband and I were kept in separate rooms, each with our attorney, and the mediator ran back and forth with proposals. We never saw or talked to each other during those hours even though we were still living in the same home. We got very little accomplished and when we arrived home (we had driven together to the mediation) we looked at each other, thinking, ‘What the hell just happened?’ It was a complete waste of money and time. At that point we sat down and resolved our remaining issues.”

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    Elizabeth Cooper, PhD

    Dr. Cooper has been mediating since 2007.

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